Study Guide
When Conflict Strikes
"They started it!" Conflict is inevitable, and often we find ourselves pointing the finger in how it is the other person's fault. Looking at the life of David, he faced conflict with Saul that felt unfair. Listen in as Pastor Markus Witherspoon helps us navigate conflict in a biblical, healthy way that reaches for restoration.
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Read 1 Samuel 20:1-23 (CSB)
Seek to understand my part in the conflict.
Last week, we were in 1 Samuel 17 and we walked through the famous event, David vs. Goliath. After God empowers David to defeat Goliath, the news about David’s victory began to fill Saul with jealousy and rage. Everywhere that David went, the Lord would bring success, and this angered Saul even more! There was even a song that was written to highlight David’s Victories; :”Saul has killed his thousands, and David his ten thousands!” Saul was furious, jealous, and enraged.
Saul’s jealousy drove him to try to kill David—first in a fit of rage by throwing his spear at him (1 Samuel 18:10–11), and later by sending him into battle against the Philistines, hoping he would be killed (1 Samuel 18:17–30). But instead of dying, David triumphed, and Saul’s fear of him grew even greater. Consumed by fear and anger, Saul’s jealousy turned to open hostility, and he ordered his servants and his son Jonathan to kill David.
Now, David is literally running for his life. Saul and his servants are seeking to end David’s life, what is David to do? In the midst of this conflict, David first begins with evaluating his own heart, his actions, and his motives. When conflict arises, our natural instinct is to point outward and identify what they did wrong. Spiritual maturity leads us to take the first step in conflict by looking inward. Before we defend ourselves, justify our actions, or accuse others, we must first ask, “Lord, show me my part in this conflict.”
In 1 Samuel 20:1, David asks, “What have I done? What did I do wrong? How have I sinned against your father so that he wants to take my life?” This is a great question! When we experience conflict, let’s first ask the question, “What have I done and what can I do now?” God is not asking us to ignore the wrongs that have been committed, but we are invited to participate in a bit of self-examination first. The path to peace often starts with personal reflection.
Read 1 Samuel 20:5-7
Approach conflict with godly wisdom and grace.
In 1 Samuel 20:5–7, David expressed his concern for his safety and proposed a test to Jonathan: he would intentionally skip the New Moon festival, allowing Jonathan to observe Saul’s reaction. If Saul responded calmly, David’s fears would prove unfounded. But if Saul became angry or hostile, it would confirm that David was truly in danger. Through this careful plan, David and Jonathan sought to discern the truth and respond with wisdom.
When conflict arises, it’s important to slow down and make wise choices about how we respond and what steps to take next. In David’s situation, he sought wise counsel with Jonathan, found clarity before acting, and set up a plan to manage the situation.
As we study the life of David in this week’s study, we don’t get to see the resolution of this conflict (we’ll study that later)! However, in our conflict situations, we have the gift of scripture to help us work through conflict in a godly way. Using the P.E.A.C.E. acronym, we can seek to resolve conflict in a way that honors God and guides our decision making as Christ-followers.
Pastor Markus also shared about the P.E.A.C.E. approach to conflict resolution.
Pause before reacting.
Step back. Pray first. Reflect on the situation and the problem at hand. Consider your own role in the conflict and what God may be doing in the situation. Sometimes taking even a few moments to pause can prevent words or actions we may later regret.
James 1:19 (NLT) …You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.
Empathize with others.
Try to see the situation from the other person’s perspective. Listen to understand rather than to be understood. Empathy does not mean you agree with everything, but it helps you respond with clarity and compassion.
Philippians 2:4 (NLT) Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.
Assess my part.
Honestly acknowledge your contribution to the problem. Self reflection allows for growth and opens the door for reconciliation.
Matthew 7:3 (NLT) And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own?
Communicate for restoration.
Share truth with love. The goal is to restore the relationship, not to win the argument. Be clear, humble, and kind in your communication.
Matthew 18:15 (NLT) If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense.
If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.
Extend grace, mercy, and forgiveness.
Let go of bitterness and instead choose to live at peace with others. Forgiveness does not mean granting unrestricted access to your life, but it does mean releasing the debt they owe you and choosing reconciliation when possible.
Colossians 3:13 (NLT) Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
Current Sermon Series
In this series, we’ll journey through the remarkable life of David — shepherd, poet, warrior, king, and wholehearted worshiper of God. From humble beginnings in obscurity to the heights of leading a nation, David’s story is one of both triumphs and trials. We’ll see him dodge javelins hurled by a jealous king, hide in caves as a fugitive, and stand boldly before giants like Goliath — and through it all, God’s faithfulness shaping a man after His own heart and showing us what He can do through a willing life.