Pregnancy Loss
Why would God give and then take away?
We may never know the answer until we get to Heaven but while we’re in this fallen world, we’ll experience loss, including the loss of our most beloved little ones. Whether a miscarriage or a birth where the child is unable to survive on its own, it’s a sad part of life.
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring grief or affliction to anyone. Lamentations 3:32-33
It can be difficult to know what to say to someone who has just lost a baby. Here are a few thoughts from those of us who have experienced pregnancy or infant loss, as well as a comforting prayer for miscarriage to all those affected.
What to Say to Someone Who Has Had a Miscarriage
- It’s best to express sympathy with simple words.
- “This is terrible and I’m so sorry.”
- “I’m sorry for what you’re going through.”
- “I know this hurts. I’m praying for you.”
- “Please know I’m here if you need to talk.”
Don’t try to assign reason or explain things. Someone in deep grief doesn’t want to hear explanations unless they’re from their doctor about why they lost their child. They need to know others care about what they’re going through, not that they might know why it happened.
Try to avoid saying these phrases:
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
- “God won’t give more than you can handle.”
- “You’re still young. There’s plenty of time to have children.”
- “I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”
- “God knows what He’s doing.”
- “There was probably something wrong with it or it was probably for the best.”
Actions can speak louder than words:
- Make an effort to show sympathy by attending the funeral (if there is one).
- Make yourself available in some other way. This can be powerful for the grieving parent.
- Allow the parent to share their story if they’re comfortable doing so in their own time.
- Use a prayer for miscarriage below to guide your empathy and lift up the hurting family.
As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things. Ecclesiastes 11:5
And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. Psalm 46 1:3Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations. Jeremiah 1:5
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:13-16
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these” Matthew 19:14
Prayer for Miscarriage: A Prayer for the Parents
Heavenly Father,
Thank you for the parents of this precious baby. Heal their broken hearts and strengthen their faith through this storm. Help them find comfort not only in Your word but in the words of friends or family who’ve experienced the same pain. Draw them closer to You through this tragedy and reveal Yourself to them in their time of need.
In the powerful name of Jesus, Amen.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
Prayer for Miscarriage: A Prayer for the Family
Heavenly Father,
Thank you for being with us during this devastating time. Our hearts are crushed. We don’t understand why we’ve lost this child. But we trust You to get us through it.
In the mighty and powerful name of Jesus, Amen.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit Psalm 34:18
Prayer for Miscarriage: A Prayer for the Baby
Heavenly Father,
Thank you for this precious little one. Though our hopes for this child’s life were not realized, we know You’re in control of everything. Your thoughts are not our thoughts and Your ways are not our ways. It’s hard for us to understand but we know our sweet baby is with You in Heaven and one day we will be able to meet her face to face. We look forward to the time we can hold her in our arms and give her the love we’ve longed so deeply to give.
In the name of Jesus, Amen.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9
This was a guest post by Melinda Eye Cooper and you can visit her website here. You can follow her on Facebook here or Instagram here.
Nice article. Thanks for your insight here. I genuinely appreciate your candor and approach to such a difficult subject.
I just had a miscarriage after 5 weeks of being pregnant for the first time ever during it I kept having people tell me the wish I would miscarry or they said it would be best if I lost the baby. I am homeless but I am working on getting out of this situation. And I was making sure I was getting all the proper nutrients and all that I needed for the baby once I found out 2 weeks ago that I was a month pregnant.
After just miscarrying my baby new years eve (I’ve had a horrible 2023 it’s all been death so a great way to end it to…) Everyone has told me it’s for the best it’s not a big deal it wasn’t a fetus yet or it was just a tiny egg and not worth being depressed over. When it came out that was 5 weeks of cells building up into a big blob people tried telling me it was a blood clot but I know the difference that was no blood clot.
I wanted the father of the baby to be at the hospital with me when being told this horrible news but the people we are staying with refused to take him and so he was upset so was I. The way I see it is they have their baby alive fine and healthy so they don’t give a shit about anyone else but themselves.
After hearing I was miscarrying I was crying but I was so angry at all the people who told me they hope I miscarry. And I got even more angry when that b*tch told me it isn’t something to be upset over because it wasn’t a fully developed baby. It doesn’t matter it was a life it would of been my first and only child it was growing inside of me. Everything on the what not to say to someone people have said and nobody ever said sorry for your loss or anything like that nobody thinks it’s a big deal. I’m still bleeding and cramping bad from it. I was supposed to go back to the hospital yesterday to be checked to make sure everything was fully out but those same people that wouldn’t bring the father to me wouldn’t take me to the hospital and the only way to get there is a long walk or by calling an ambulance to pick me up. Since these people are selfish.
I am so very sorry that you are going through something so traumatic and that you are feeling alone in your care. Having experienced a miscarriage in the family, “medical reasons” do not help during a time of grief. One of the most powerful passages of scripture here is when Jesus found out that one of his best friends had died and instead of providing an immediate solution, he just sat and wept with his other friends (John 11). When tragedy happens, it’s OK to just sit and mourn. Praying for you today. If you need anything, please do reach out, especially if you are local to San Diego and we can be a source of joy and assistance for you.
i don’t know what words to speak for my pain 🥺
Sometimes there are no words. It’s in these quiet, still moments, that Jesus meets us. Stay right there and wait for Jesus and his people, but know that you are never alone in this pain. He shares it with you, but his people do as well.
Dear Jess,
That is devastating! I am so sorry you had to / still going through this. I have been through two miscarriages (2019 and 2023) and I am still extremely upset about it. Unfortunately, people who have never miscarried will NEVER understand what it feels like to have gone through something so horrible. One minute you are fine, the next moment just so upset and angry! I don’t sleep well due to the loss and I wish you had more supporting people around you. The best advice that I can give is to see a counselor who can provide relief for a short while. However, it is acceptable for you to go through the emotions, to feel hurt, to feel angry, and to ask God to heal your broken heart. I am not sure if I will ever be the same. My prayers are with you!