3 Things I Wish I Knew as a Newer Mom
Let’s call it as it is. Being a mom is one of the hardest and thankless jobs there are. So much is done that no one sees. And how often do people stop to thank you when everything goes as planned?
This Mother’s Day, we wanted to glean some wisdom from Pastor JoAnn Johnson, who serves as the Executive Pastor at Newbreak Church. She has two boys, Russell (age 9) and Shane (age 6) and is happily married to Eric for 13 years.
We look forward to many years and many, many insights from Pastor JoAnn, but for today, we had her boil it down to three things she wished she knew as a newer mom. The following insights are from Pastor JoAnn.
What are 3 things you wish you knew when you were a new mom?
1) Change is constant.
Change is constantly taking place, both in your kids and in you. Every time you get used to your kids being a certain way they change. Like once you get that infant baby part down, then they start walking and crawling. Some of their first words are “mama” or “dada” and it fills your heart with joy, then they get older and use words that are… not as adorable.
But not only your kids, through parenting, you change. Your body, your emotions, your wishes, and dreams all can (and probably will!) change because it’s no longer about you! Every day is different with its own blessings and challenges. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 starts by declaring “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” I know in California we don’t see much change in the seasons, but people tell me winter (at least elsewhere) is supposed to be cold. If there is one thing that you can count on in parenting, its change. Change as certain as there being seasons (well, at least in other parts of the country).
2) There is no “normal.”
What does normal mean anyway? Are we going by scientific statistics, or societal standards, or comparing whoever is in our circle of friends? When your child is born you will be given all of these “milestones” that your child is expected to hit by a certain age. When they should crawl, walk or talk. When they are older it’s when they should read, write their name, write a story or ride a bike. As teenagers when do they have their first girlfriend or boyfriend, get their first job, pass their first AP class, or make varsity.
If we judge, put pressure, or compare our child by any of these milestones, we may put unnecessary pressure on ourselves or our children. Normal is subjective AND overrated. Let’s say that again!
Normal is overrated!
Didn’t that feel good?
Psalm 139:14 reminds us: “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” If your child never walks or talks because of a medical condition, they are still wonderfully made. God created each child unique and whatever milestones they hit or miss, they are fearfully and wonderfully made. We need to believe God’s Word instead of trying to measure up to some standard of “normal.”
3) You are enough.
While in the hospital with my first child I experienced immediate challenges. My oldest had a difficult time settling, he wouldn’t eat and he wouldn’t sleep. I couldn’t figure out if he was hungry or tired or gassy (or all of the above!). Being a new mom I asked for help, I wanted to see if the nurse could help soothe my son. The nurse told me to do “skin to skin” where my baby just rested next to my heart. Immediately it calmed him and we were both able to rest.
All my son needed was closeness to me. I was all he needed.
The best thing we can give to our kids is ourselves, our presence.
No number of toys or vacations or rooms in your house will ever replace your child’s need for you. They don’t need anything else. Just you. The same is true in our relationship with God, He just wants you! He will be with you through the parenting journey.
After all, at the end of the day aren’t we all children of the Father? Whether we realize it or not what we need is closeness to Him. I learned it in the hospital with my son and I am still learning it in life with God. And so, be encouraged, you are enough.
Thanks JoAnn! Probably the item that resonated with me the most is “Change is constant ” as I enter the grandparent stage and learn from my kids and grands that change (and sometimes chaos) is ever-present and I need to be able to adjust quickly to family changes.
I don’t know how raised my kids because I’m so bitter and angry all the so I’m so pushy all to my kids trying to do the best howt to heels from tjat
How can we help?
I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through such a challenging time. Parenting can be overwhelming, and it’s completely normal to feel a range of emotions. It takes courage to acknowledge your feelings and want to do better for your kids.
If you find yourself feeling bitter and angry often, it might be helpful to take some time for self-reflection and self-care. Consider talking to a therapist or counselor to work through these emotions and find healthier coping mechanisms. Remember, taking care of yourself emotionally can positively impact your interactions with your children.
When it comes to parenting, being understanding and patient with yourself is just as important as being understanding and patient with your kids. Remember that no one is perfect, and we all make mistakes. It’s okay to ask for help and seek advice from other parents or parenting resources.
Take small steps towards positive changes in your parenting approach. Celebrate the moments when you handle situations calmly and constructively. Being aware of your feelings and making an effort to communicate openly with your kids can make a significant difference.
Your desire to do the best for your children is admirable, and with time and effort, you can learn to heal and grow from these challenges. You’re not alone in this journey, and there are many resources available to support you. Hang in there, and take things one step at a time.”
Remember, responding with empathy and encouragement can help someone feel understood and supported, even in difficult situations. If they’re open to it, sharing some helpful resources on parenting and emotional well-being could be beneficial as well.
As a newer mom, Pastor JoAnn Johnson’s wisdom truly resonates with me:
Change is constant: Embracing the ever-changing nature of parenthood helps me appreciate every stage of my child’s growth.
There is no “normal”: I celebrate my child’s uniqueness and milestones, disregarding society’s expectations.
You are enough: Pastor JoAnn’s experience reminds me that my presence and love are the most precious gifts for my child.
Today, I needed these insights to strengthen my confidence and embrace motherhood with joy and grace. Happy Mother’s Day to all the inspiring moms out there!